Slow boat to Luang Prabang, Laos

Slow boating down to Luang Prabang 

Rope swing at Kuang Si Falls in Luang Prabang 

Little girl on the back of a truck in Pak Bang...the first stop of the slowboat. I loved taking her picture

Night market of Luang Prabang, the streets transform as the sun goes down

Feeding of the Alms ceremony that happens at 6-630 AM 

Part of the hilltop Wat Chom Si temple overlooking the Royal Laotian capital, Luang Prabang.

The view from the top...incredible 

What the hell are Gibbons anyway? Trekking through Thailand and Laos

"Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

   We have made our way through Chiang Mai, Chiang Rai  and two treks into Laos and are currently waiting our departure from Luang Prabang to Hanoi, Vietnam. I just started to read On the Road (for the third time) by Jack Kerouac and everything about this book reflects the current attitude towards traveling I am very lucky to have the chance to be able to do. Everyday is something new, something fresh and exciting with new faces to look at everyday. Life could not possibly be better. The fact that I know traveling will eventually come to an end is making me choked up as I write this. I never want to stop.

“Our battered suitcases were piled on the sidewalk again; we had longer ways to go. But no matter, the road is life.” - Jack Kerouac

   After the elephant sanctuary plans failed in Chiang Mai, we decided we would do a full day cooking class. I got to witness Emma (Yes…Emma Goldman) cooking for the first time in my life. Please note: I have seen her barbeque a time or two, but as for cooking meals…she will be the first to tell you that it just gives her “too much anxiety” to actually do it. She will also be the first to tell you that because she did not grow up in a household with parents that cook, it really is not in her nature to do so. I can attest to this considering the Goldman Northbrook house has two things in their refrigerator; one being American cheese singles and the second...batteries.

Knew our mommy's would be so proud of the newest chefs of the family. Pad Thai? No Problem. 

   So, we embarked upon this cooking class. Our instructor was very much to our liking. He managed to transform stirring, slicing, dicing and every motion of cooking into a sexually-referenced pose that we all got dramatically into (mostly max). “Stiring your soup” was more of like "let's seduce the spoon and move the liquid around, while moving your hips like shakira." A simple, standard task of squeezing a lime was turned into more of a squeeze a lime, get your hips involved and emphasize the word "squuuuueeeezeee" in a tone of voice channeling Boy George. stir. 

Group at cooking class squeezing our limes and stirring our soups just right!

Pad Thai and Delicious homemade spring rolls!

 

    From Chiang Mai we set off for our first trek through the hill tribes of Northern Thailand. Max thankfully contacted a guide that was suggested by a travel writer in National Geographic Travel Magazine and he led us on an incredible two night, three day trek equipped with some if the best thai food we had up to this point. We stayed at two villages in this three-day excursion. Upon arriving to the first village it looked as if it was birthing season for the animals within it. Little piglets, puppies and chicks were roaming around everywhere. I keep having to be reminded of the dog infestation of fleas and ticks, which kills me considering I find it almost animal cruelty to not be able to pet these adorable, adorable pups roaming around everywhere. I did manage to pet a mother pig behind the ear, which I learned they love quite a lot. Remember this if you ever come face-to-face with a large boar...they love being scratched behind the ears. We all learn something new everyday on these travels!   

All the little piggies running around everywhere...

        

   This first village is called Ya Fu from the tribe Yahu. Because many of them have been forced to convert to christianity, many of the Lahu tribes receive government funding to ensure a good education program for the children of the village, as well as other forms of financial support. Village life is so simplistic and beautiful. Their rustic and traditional way of life is something that is so cherished by these people, but is being ultimately threatened by the convergence into christianity. The local Shaman leaders of the village (headman), is the spiritual soul of many of these tribes. He is said to speak to the spirits, ensure a good fortune for the people of the tribe, but with the convergence to christianity, the spiritual rituals of their tradition may ultimately be replaced with teachings from the bible. The second village was the Akha tribe where this converging has been a focal conflict for many of the conservation efforts of these hill tribes. Emma and i recently read a book called Catfish and Mandala where a Vietnamese family immigrated to America, fleeing from the oppressiveness of the Vietnam war. When they arrived, they were forced to convert to christianity in order to secure food and housing amongst a group of missionaries. Emma brought up the topic of this colonization debacle. Its saddening the way people are forced to lead a life in one way, regardless of whether they truely understand what is being asked of them. The family in the novel had to go to church every sunday, while they didnt speak a word of english. Seems a bit corrupt, or completely and totally corrupt/single-minded. . 

Article of Akha Convergence Troubles from the Asia Times 

   As we walked through both villages the children were always smiling, laughing and being regular, normal kids. Playing marbles looked like such an incredible time, there was no need for the newest playstation game or the distraction of what TV show was coming on later that night. In the first village, we walked by a group of three boys huddled under a shower in the front of a hut laughing uncontrollably as we walked by while shaking there naked butts. Max pointed out that one of the boys strangely looked like our cousin David...our cousins don't really like clothing. Not once did I notice a saddened face through out the three-day trek. Everything was so simple in life and so family/community-oriented, It was great to see. The kids at the second village put on a little singing performance for us and afterward, we exchanged some songs. None of us could really think of childrens songs we all knew so Alex, Emma, Max and I proceeded to sing "don't stop believin," by Journey and "Old McDonald Had a Farm." We made our performance classy, as always, and all four of us harmonized right on point. Alex's voice was comparable to a soft, lovely, flowing jungle stream...that has been attacked by a group of howler monkeys. The kids loved it despite the fact that none of them could understand a single word we were saying. After the performance a group of rowdy boys used Max and Alex as a jungle gym, while Emma and I sat in a circle and taught the little girls some games of "Miss Mary-Mack," and "Down by the Banks of the Hanky Panky."

All the little ones of the Adu village, part of the Akha Tribe of Northern Thailand

   The hiking was about three days and we e managed to make it back to Chiang Rai smelling of one-hundred percent mildeu...so we knew our journey had been successful. Of the many entertainments along the first trek was watching Emma slide, fall, slip or run-into everything she had in front of her. Going down is not a strong suit, but it kept Max, Alex and Me quite entertained through  out the journey. Our leader (or I would say Sherpa) found this very entertaining as well and proceeded to laugh uncontrollably at Emma every time we were on a decline from a mountain. 

Top of trek (day two), Emma and I with our bamboo walking sticks our Sherpa thankfully machetti'ed down for us.

Our handy guide for the day! I call him Sherpa

 

  We traveled on to Laos where we carried on to our next trekking endeavor, formally called the Gibbons Experience. Going into the Gibbons experience, I foreshadowed flocks of monkeys, hiking through the jungles to get an even closer look at the monkeys, ziplining to-and-from a group (village) of treehouses where other travelers were staying. This was not ultimately the experience that was lived out for one night and two days, but it was quite an experience nonetheless. Point one I would like to emphasize was that there were no gibbon sightings through out this journey. A minor detail the company may want to emphasize in their travel brochures. The ziplines were incredible, the longest one being about 720 meters (little less that half a mile) and we soared through the sky solo from mountain to mountain by just a harness and a wire.

   When we arrived at the treehouse after a long day of trekking and doing 9 ziplines, we realized that we were not surrounded by other treehouses, we could only zipline in a simple triangle in-and-out of our treehouse to the nearby path. Our guides left the treehouse as soon as we got there, while our new English friends, Bex and Hattie strangely asked if we would be getting a snack or some sort of meal anytime soon. The guides looked at us strangely, but fortunately agreed upon to come back with some fruit about an hour later. In summation of the actual treehouse experience, we were fed to a minimum with a overload of sticky rice for all meals and left in the treehouse unsupervised till morning. Clearly, we did was normal stupid adolescents would do and managed to find ways to spice up those triangle ziplines and make them far more dangerous than they had previously been. First it started with a night glide across (we were told no ziplining after dark). In the morning we buddied-up and traveled with two along the line. Then, after Max was a guinea pig, we all put on our harnesses backwards and went superman style over the Laos Jungle. This is probably the closest feeling a human could get to flying without a jetpack or parachute. We came to the realization that the guides were nowhere nearby and if an emergency were to occur…well, nothing would come of it.

   As we descended from the treehouse the next day, we thought we made it to the car safely for a smooth ride back, but in reality…what we got was more like an extreme off-roading experience (jungle-mud style). We all crammed into the back of a truck and had to push it up multiple hills of mud in order to get through to the road. It was also a Laos carpooling event and we managed to pick-up and drop-off multiple passengers along the way! Being muddy is a strong understatement, i have never actually seen mud this thick before.
Despite all its oddities, Gibbons ended up being really fun, Hattie and Bex were extremely entertaining and a nice addition to our foursome, but unfortunately the trip ended with bedbugs. I have never itched so badly in my entire life. Rashes were very very drastic all along my legs and all along my ass cheeks where I subjected Emma to viewing me stand on a chair in the mirror while I searched for bites to put lotion on. You just can't see your butt any other way. She got a really good view of this ass-show for about two days. Thankfully, my butt and legs have cleared up, we got some laundry done and the bed bugs (knock on wood) have gone away for the rest of the duration of our travels. (Helpful tip: if you have never put tiger balm on your butt before, I would highly advise you too even if there is no rash. It feels INCREDIBLE)!

 

The mud crew after our off-roading journey at the end of the gibbons experience. Little did I know, but under this mud was an infestation of bed bugs that were knawing away at my delicate skin. Fucking Gibbons treehouse beds!

Ping-Pong Takes on a new meaning...Bangkok Adventures!

   The four children have successfully departed from the mothers and landed in Bangkok. Who knew this city would put Amsterdam and Barcelona to shit in all its guilty pleasures...minus the legalization of marijuana because I have heard that the Thai's have been known to chop some heads off if people are caught doing this herb. The city is a party, I don't know why you would go anywhere else for your bachelor/bachelorette party ever to be perfectly honest...what's the point? Bangkok has it all in the greatest and dirtiest ways possible. I would prefer this to NOT be my last visit to the city.
  We wasted no time as we arrived and headed straight for experiencing on of Bangkok's dirtiest pleasures by hopping into a cab and heading to the Red Light District, Patpong. The name is ironically very similar to what is offered through out these alleyways of the city. Alex, Emma, Max and I enjoyed our first experience at a Bangkok "ping pong show." You may at first think this is an actual ping pong show, considering Asians are very good at the sport (no racism here), but in actual fact...we watched a wide array of girls in every weight class, gender (Max made a girlfriend that was a debatable male), and stature perform oddities with their female body part. I won't get into too much detail for the older readers, but I will say that after viewing this spectacle, I will never look at blowing out birthday candles, opening a bottle-cap, hiding a string, shooting darts or smoking a cigarette the same ever again.

If you would like to see urbandictionary definition of what a ping-pong show is...please follow this link because I might of overdone it with the shart definition in a previous blogpost.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ping+pong+show

The winner of the Muy Thai fight we went to one night in Bangkok. Successful fight as he knocked his opponent onto a stretcher to end it. Extremely entertaining if you've never been to one. (Please note...I am fully aware that I am quite larger than the fighter)

 Surprisingly, the prostitutes walking around Patpong are surprisingly good-looking compared to what we saw in the ping-pong show. None of the four children took part in the buying of sexual favors of course, but we did see a few men of the 50-60 age group smiling pretty wide at some of the bars along the exterior of the market in that area.

  Our first real day in Bangkok was incredible all thanks to a random Thai teacher we met walking along the street right after breakfast. The Thai are extremely happy, smiling people and mostly willing to help you out or rip you off, whichever way they choose to go. This man was extremely gracious as we told him we were from America. He told us where to go, drew pictures on our map, explained the hours of each place, as well as hailed up two tuck-tucks and arranged for them to guide us around all day for a bargain price of 40 baht (a little over $1). We drove around to various sites through out the city and caught all the major tourist attractions; the sitting Buddha, the standing Buddha and the Golden Temple where we could overlook all of Bangkok. We did our meditating through out the day and decided that we were indeed deserving of our first Thai massages. The four of us have not really stopped these treatments from that first day onwards. Its a steep price to pay, having someone stretch out your body or rub you with lotion/oil for an hour for roughly 6 dollars. Who made American masseuses so fucking expensive? Lets learn from the Thai's on this matter quickly...before I get home... shall we America?

In our first tuck-tuck of Bangkok. These tuck-tucks are extremely luxurious compared to those of India. As you can see, Max's freakishly long legs have plenty of room to spread out and even cross his right-leg over his left as he reads either 1. the new york times or 2. the guidebook so he can explain everything to Emma and I. :-) 

Our first Buddha visit. These are the balloons (not quite sure what they are but we thought they were cool) right outside the Standing Buddha in Bangkok. The Standing Buddha is over 100-feet tall, but now remains hidden inside two buildings, when at one time you could see if from basically every point in Bangkok. 

Feeding mass amounts of catfish outside the sitting buddha temple-catfish frenzy, as well as the best 20 baht we spent of the day perhaps.

in meditation at the sitting Buddha

    As the drivers continued to drive us around to various sites, we caught all the major tourist attractions; the sitting Buddha, the standing Buddha and the Golden Temple where we could overlook all of Bangkok. We did our meditating through out the day and we decided that we were indeed deserving of our first Thai massages that really haven't stopped since that first day. Its a steep price to pay, having someone stretch out your body or rub you with lotion/oil for an hour for roughly 6 dollars. Who made American masseuses so fucking expensive? Lets learn from the Thai's on this matter quickly...before I get home... shall we America?
  We need these massages as we continue to trek on through Bangkok in this swealtering heat. I really have not felt anything like this before (meaning my sweat), which I did know I could produce so much of so quickly. Adding to the sweat spectacle we have enjoyed, the thick, humid, heat-filled air is complimented with the fact that we have to wear long pants (no shorts for boys, no capris for girls etc.) and long sleeves into the temples. Our last day in Bangkok was taken over by a state of delirium from the amount of liquid we produced on our bodies as we strolled through the Emerald Buddha and palace grounds. It didn't help that the local Thai population gets to wear whatever they please and strolls around the premises in skirts, shorts and tank-tops. Because of this very suffering we endure, we have chosen to participate in these massages and treatments quite frequently. Emma and I treated our feet to a spa day when the boys were extremely hungover from the previous night (we made them go dancing at a club). We got the dead skin cleared off by some fish, got a foot massage as well as treated ourselves to a pedicure that ended up causing Emma to have more cuticles then she did before we went into the salon.

All sporting our long pants, closed-toed shoes, Emma in a rented shirt, Me in Max's longsleeve (thank God its quick dry), it might of been 100 degrees as we walked around the Emerald Buddha grounds. We obviously were drawing attention to ourselves. 

  

Bye Bye India...Hellooooo Thailand!

    We ended our trip in India with two nights at a spa resort, one night in a houseboat and ended in Cochin...all in the southern part of the country. It was an unbelievably eye-opening country, truely one-of-a-kind. I really cannot wait to get back their considering far more should be seen. I began reading a book called Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts, this man describes India in a way that only a really talented writer could do. I had a hard time writing my blog and searching for the words to desribe the country I was able to visit for 2 weeks. That may be because it probably is not like any other place in the world or because you really can't believe what you are seeing. In the book, the Roberts describes all the illness, disabilities, poverty, handicapped and beggars that parade around through out the steets, but still with all this turmoil upon India's overpopulated country...you have never seen so many smiling faces in your life.
     We had the joy of going to this textile and paper-making factory in Munnar where they employed Munnar's mentally handicapped and trained them in the paper-making business. They also offered a day-care center for children, free meals for lunch and when we went there, every single person had a smile on their face. On our food tour through Delhi, our first stop was to a stand where we ordered this chick-pea curry dish with a naan-type bread to go with it, as well as a few other sides that went in a metal dish for dipping (pickled carrots, spicy peppers). The man who owned the stand said that once a customer paid for one helping, he would never charge them twice for however much they wanted. I think for one of those meals it might of equaled less than 1 American dollar, yet he continued to provide for those whose wages could not afford anything more.
     Of course, this is the good side of India. We did encounter some on the greedier side of the spectrum like the elephant riders in Jaipur. As they continued to injure the animals holding their metal bullhooks, at the end of the ride up to the Amber Fort they proceeded to tell us that 50 rupees was not enough of a tip and asked for more. Clearly, you get a little bit of both.

Watching the wild elephants in Munnar

Wild Elephants!

Getting ready for the hike at the mountain resort in Munnar. No leaches on these ankles! 

Top of one of the peaks in Munnar. I would like to especially give a shout out to Cathy Jo on this one whom broke a fever on the way up and allowed her children to talk her into going for the hike (she bailed on hiking Masada with us in Israel).  We ended the day walking around the tea/spice plantation.

   The spa resort we stayed at consisted of many treatments that none of the members of this trip were exactly ready for...except for Lisa. All four kids and cathy proceeded to get a four-handed oil massage in which we discovered was more of a massage "raping," not a normal cover-yourself-up with a sheet massage. I won't get too into detail with this one, but I pretty sure all the specialists got to at least 2nd base with all of us. Indians really love those butts and boobies in the relaxation setting. Mommy Cathy ended the treatments saying "yeah im done with those...i really don't like to be touched anyways." And all of us sure did get touched intimately. Max was pleased with his butt massage though, saying it was one of the better ones he has had in his life.

All aboard the houseboat! 

Gettin laid on the houseboat

India Continues...

In Northern India, or at least in its most populated cities, one may feel a certain degree of severe claustrophobia. It is difficult to even describe the overcrowded overflow of people, haggling shop-keepers, beggars, stray cows and dogs wandering the streets and the influx of motorbikes/tut tuts that blare their horns at every opportune moment. Opportune moment isn't even the correct word, considering the beeping makes the streets sound like they are having a seizure.

Electrical system in Delhi

Emma and I with some of our fans at the India gate in Delhi

From the overcrowded streets of Delhi we carried onto Agra, home of the Taj Mahal. Seeing the Taj for the first time literally takes your breath away. I have never seen something more beautiful before. The white marble is so extravagant and beautiful, it doesn't even seem real. You feel as if you are in the Disney movie Aladdin or dreaming just waiting to wake up. My senses were heightened as well by the excessive amount of people that visited the Taj this very weekend. Little did we know that it was the anniversary of Sha Jahan's death, the emperor whom built the tomb for his favorite wife that passed away. Because of the holiday, free entry was given to every person that came into the Taj this weekend. Indian women dressed in their best sari's of gorgeous colors to come witness one of the 8 wonders of the world, which our guide informed us is something that some of the local population waits a lifetime to see. The last Moghul decendent, Prince Tuci also graced his presence at the Taj that afternoon. Considering we were the only "fair skinned" within the walls of the Taj, we pointed at him and luckily Emma and I snagged a picture with royalty. I felt so excited to be there and even as I type this I still can't even really believe that I visited the Taj Mahal. It is something I never dreamed of doing so I feel extremely grateful for the experience. 

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Prince Tuci

Agra was hard to leave considering we had a view of the Taj from our balcony window from the hotel, but it was a quick one-night stay as we continued onto Jaipur "the pink city" of India. At it's building, the entire city was painted pink and continues to oblige by the law stating that the buildings must retain their facade. Like with Delhi, crossing the street is always a life-threatening experience as you will rarely, if ever, see a break in the traffic. The only way you are the manage crossing is watching every side of your body, slowly inch your way forward and pray. Makes even driving difficult when cows have the right-away and act like the Michael Corrleone's that they are within all of India. There will be no rib-eyes of rare filets for this carnivore anytime soon!

Jaipur really has a spirit of its own. Being the textile and gem center of India, women walk around with the most intricate designs/fabrics on their saris. Max and Alex found a tailor to use these vibrant patterns to make their smoking jacket dreams come alive, but they didn't stop there. Max proceeded to have made his long-wanted linen suit and alex is currently satisfied with his choice at pinstripe glory, all being done under 200 bucks. 

As the boys were getting fitted, Lisa found a resurfaced sense of energy when her vertigo symptoms went away and she got to experience the luxury of a private Indian hospital. Took Alex a bit of convincing, but she finally parted with the first class medical service. Lisa aggressively haggled shop-owners down to their cheapest prices through out the bazaar. Of course, we have to keep reminding her "yes, Lisa, you are the best shopper," as she continued to weave her way in-and-out of various shops along the street, getting a new high with every new bargain. "Go Go Go" is currently the theme of this trip, or so we have figured out...all of my mother and Lisa's travels. If the bazaar of Jaipur didn't know intense Jewish mothers before, Cathy Jo and Lisa Goldman have now made the shop owners a tiny bit frightened. This "Go Go Go" mentality for a little further emphasis has correlated to roughly three members of the group going down a day with a fever. Don't worry, all have recovered.
 
I took my first elephant ride in Jaipur, up to the Amber Fort. Never again will I ride an elephant for a tourist attraction. Metal bull-hooks punctured the ears of every elephant. These elephants are subject to constant confinement and mal-treatment as you can see by the color of the skin where the beautiful grey hydes have slowly been splattered by a light pink color because of the lack of wild greens in their diet. India is home to 50-60% of Asia's elephant population and being the animal lover that I continue to be, this really struck me hard when I saw this happen. Eleaid has made major strides in preventing poaching in the last 15 years, but still elephants are struggling through out India because of their loss of habitat. I recently got the pleasure of seeing wild elephants in the mountain town of Munnar (in southern india), its was so beautiful and peaceful to see animals in their own environment, but with all the shouting going on by the local population...you realize this is fading very fast. Our guide through out Munnar told us an incredible story from May 1st of this year:
May 1st is a holiday within India and the streets along one of the roads (close to where elephants roam) were jam-packed with cars. A wild female elephant came to the road in order to get down to the lake for a drink of water when one ignorant man decided to drunkenly throw his beer bottle at her. Getting upset like any other mammal would do if this happened to them, the elephant started stomping on the parked cars along the road...lifting them up with her trunk and smashing the hoods with her feet. The people were generally out of their cars as she was doing this, but on her rampage, the elephant began to lift the hood of a car where a mother had come to feed her baby. The elephant had managed to demolish 5 or 6 cars before picking up this one...but as the trunk lifted up the hood, the elephant slowly put it back down to the ground sensing the mom/innocent child that sat within. Her senses brought her to put it down. If this isn't an incredible animal, I don't know what is. The elephant put that car down and crushed the one right behind it the guide told me today. Pretty remarkable what animals sense and how they can maybe live amongst people if people weren't so destructive.

If you want to help or aid the Elephant conservation efforts, you should all visit the Eleaid website. 

With Munnar came the jungle mountains, fresh air and exercise all of us were extremely excited to take. I have currently learned to play gin and continue to be pretty bad at it. Banana-grams is a new family favorite, minus the fact that Lisa has managed to memorize all the scrabble two-letter words regardless if she knows the meaning or not. We are still in debate whether this is the correct way to play banana-grams or if we are just giving the Goldman family a little handicap.

Typical Jarwhol on top of our hike in Munnar...see Human Planet for reference